Ask a Tour Salesperson – “Hey, what kind of tree is that?”

When cruise ship passengers disembark in Skagway, they are often bewildered and confused. Why? No one is really sure, but they will often seek answers to questions that they would otherwise never pose.

While at home, most people don’t give a second thought to trees. They are surrounded by oaks, pines, dogwood, birch, and all sorts of plants and flowers, but never once ask a stranger, “Hey! What kind of tree is that over there?” However, when they come to Alaska, they are suddenly very interested in trees and wonder what their name is.

One such tree is the mighty mountain ash. This tree is quite lovely, as it’s adorned with bright red berries in the late summer and fall months. If you see this colorful tree, you will likely start wondering what it’s called, and what better person to ask than a tour salesperson! Let’s take a closer look at the mountain ash tree in our weekly series, “Ask the tour salesperson.”

The mountain ash – The most interesting tree in Skagway

The mountain ash is Skagway’s most noteworthy tree, but you may be surprised to find out that it’s an invasive plant and almost impossible to control. This is one of those life lessons where you learn that something beautiful is actually quite awful. While the mountain ash is undoubtedly stunningly beautiful, it will compete with native plants for space and eventually overpower them. Imagine Mike Tyson in a cage match with a newborn kitty cat. Yeah. It’s like that.

Not only will the mountain ash grow with wild abandon, it’s shallow roots make little mountain ash trees spring up everywhere. In this way, the mountain ash is like that horrible recurring nightmare where you kill a deadly spider and 1,000 even deadlier spiders pop out of its hollow body cavity.

The mountain ash is a tavern for birds with substance abuse issues

Remember those pretty berries on the mountain ash tree? Well, they taste like a combination of rubber and dirty dishwater. They’re so disgusting that even crows won’t eat them. However, when winter rolls around there isn’t a lot to eat. That’s when a stupid little bird called a bohemian waxwing shows up in Skagway. These little winged inebriates can be seen in flocks of hundreds of birds chowing down on the red berries of the mountain ash. Here’s the surprise…. by the time the waxwings migrate to town, the red mountain ash berries have fermented.

The waxwings slurp up those berries like a fat kid in a candy store. Before you know it, the entire flock is drunker than your uncle on Thanksgiving. When they’re lit, the waxwings can no longer perch in the mountain ash tree, so they stagger around your lawn and poop everywhere. It also turns out that alcoholic tweety-birds are not capable of understanding natural selection. This makes these drunken birds an easy target for cats, coyotes, and bratty kids with BB guns.

What we learned

Yes, the mountain ash is truly a blight on Alaska. Someday, all that will be left in Alaska are endless forests of mountain ash trees filled with drunken birds looking for a fight. Be sure to check our blog next week to find out what amazing things you can learn from a tour salesperson.